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Love bombing – when someone begins the relationship by showering you with time/ attention/ gifts/ love/ compliments without really even knowing you. Then, little by little they take these positive reinforcements away, which causes the person on the receiving end to fight to win their approval again in order to get back to this perceived idyllic time.
Are you dating a love bomber? Take the quiz.
Why it works: nothing creates an addiction like an inconsistent reward
How to spot the red flag: intimacy is about measured mutuality. If someone is giving you a lot of love from the very beginning beware they may be a love bomber and worst of all, they may not even know it. They may be a mind manipulator who understands how to get you hooked on their approval OR they may be a toxic ideallist who is simply in love with a very narrow idea of what love is and thus will get excited by new partners but quickly grow bored of them if they do anything displeasing.
How to play this game-
Remove all expectations, this is a bonus – not a primary – relationship. The key to happiness is managing expectations but love bombers will make it damn near impossible to do this with their inconsistency. Expectations must be earned and until they have this must be considered a stand-by good time relationship.
Shan “Boody” Boodram is an intimacy and relationship educator who promotes sexual empowerment through information and conversation. She creates content for young adults to make better choices in their intimate lives and romantic relationships.
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