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Love bombing – when someone begins the relationship by showering you with time/ attention/ gifts/ love/ compliments without really even knowing you. Then, little by little they take these positive reinforcements away, which causes the person on the receiving end to fight to win their approval again in order to get back to this perceived idyllic time.
Are you dating a love bomber? Take the quiz.
Why it works: nothing creates an addiction like an inconsistent reward
How to spot the red flag: intimacy is about measured mutuality. If someone is giving you a lot of love from the very beginning beware they may be a love bomber and worst of all, they may not even know it. They may be a mind manipulator who understands how to get you hooked on their approval OR they may be a toxic ideallist who is simply in love with a very narrow idea of what love is and thus will get excited by new partners but quickly grow bored of them if they do anything displeasing.
How to play this game-
Remove all expectations, this is a bonus – not a primary – relationship. The key to happiness is managing expectations but love bombers will make it damn near impossible to do this with their inconsistency. Expectations must be earned and until they have this must be considered a stand-by good time relationship.
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Shan “Boody” Boodram is an intimacy and relationship educator who promotes sexual empowerment through information and conversation. She creates content for young adults to make better choices in their intimate lives and romantic relationships.
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Take the love bombing quiz at https://www.thegameofdesire.com/bomb – what was your result?
Loving bombing had me so addicted to my ex. Took me forever to break the cycle. I literally forgave him for everything in hopes that one day we would go back to the “loving bombing” phase. Which I didn’t know It was loving bombing at the time. It was definitely the most toxic relationship I ever been in
this is was pete davidson did to ariana grande.
Please add captions; even the auto captions would be great.
Also, this video was mind blowing… I feel deeply disturbed because I already knew this is what he did but this video reinforced it… I’m sure it was unconscious but even these comments are so relatable it’s crazy. It’s been a year since we broke up and despite the red flags I noticed WHILE we were together (it was also a LDR) I still wonder if he was “the one” because of that beginning! It was fire and even when he visited me, it was amazing. But it changed and he even admitted to being inconsistent a couple months in when I asked about the change…. 🤦♀️ 😳 well at least I know now. I can help myself in the future if it happens again and help and warn others, I guess that’s a good take away along with the broken heart …. it still hurts but this really helps. I can see how messed up it was. But I went along with it! I guess that’s the point, you get drawn in. 😢 I miss him though because I actual did like and love him while his feelings magically disappeared and he has no idea why… we discussed it several times and he said it’s never happened before. We talked about possible reasons but he himself only came up with a couple possible reasons… nice. “I love you” everyday for 6 months and then poof magically you lost the connection… awesome. Thanks for that. More reason not to trust…
Awesome Stories & discussion, etc… Lol.. Cool Real Life Fun Chats… Adult Sh*t. 👍😹💦
(Mind Fuk on some Good Ish is Dope..)
What to do when your young adult teen is a love bomber.
Can't find the follow up to this video, can you please post it
TRUST is like a crystal glass that once it's broken its hard to put the pieces back together and when you try to fix them, you might get puncture and get hurt. The crystal glass would never be the same no matter what. That is why it's important to apply wisdom when dealing with our partners and i believe smartness is essential in any relationship. I got help from (cybertech-tracker) as he helped cloned my cheating husband's phone and I got access to all his phone Call logs, Text messages, Facebook, Instagram, Whats-app, Skype, Kik, Twitter, Snap-chat, Email, i-cloud and social media chats without touching his phone. My husband was a cheating Narcissist but I'm glad to uncover his deceits, secrets and Infidelity. All I did was share my husband’s phone number with (cybertech-tracker) and i was able to read his recent and deleted messages from my phone without laying my hands on his phone and he has no idea his phone has been cloned. I was hurt when i saw a picture of my husband and his lover kissing, i felt so bad about infidelity. I’m here in Australia and was able to access his phone while he was away cheating in the UK and saw all the proofs i needed for a divorce and even terrible things they had planned. He also does hacking of account or any other type of hacking, phone-unlock, background check up and retrieval of data. His services are trusted and guaranteed and also affordable. Contact this wonderful hacker via Gmail (cybertechtracker) or text him directly on his phone and via Whats-app : +1 (202) 697-7171. I hope you find peace of mind just like myself after discovering the truth.
am i a love bomber but not in romantic relationships but in friendship?
Damn, I just realised I was accused of love bombing by a love bomber. I didn't even know the term. We had a wild and passionate initial attraction and she drove me wild. Then she accused me of love bombing despite her coming on strong. I was confused. I just was into her and remained so as she pulled away, broke dates and became unreachable. I was destroyed. I cried every day. Yup. I was in Sicily living/working and very lonely and vulnerable. Lesson learned.
When I was sixteen, I turned down a healthy relationship in favour of a love bomber, because that's what I'd been taught was true romance. Wasted five years on that asshole, but learnt my lesson.
Note. I actually don't want to respond.
But thinking outloud to myself about, why not do it outloud and add my 5 cent.
The "problem" with lovebombing is probably, that is looks so much like being in love. The name lovebombing insinuate a deliberate attempt to mislead, but its origin might be that love is so easy to fake. One step down the road of evil thoughs, they might actually be the same. But you know, guys being guys. Know what you have to deal with. At the same time, I completely expect there to be a female version as well. But the goal and execution are kinda different. ps. I am not degrading either sex, I am degrading humans. And even that not so much. We are great, but not THAT great :P. The origin of this way of expressnig love, might come from how much we miss it. Not only the receiver, but the giver knows a good thing when they see it. But there might be a difference in the particular execution, The feeling might be genuine, what you get is however not what you expected or desired. Most sarcasting way of explaining ths thought it, how much trouble is a guy willing to go for you, by cheating and lying to you 😛 It might be kinda dissapointing, but at least you know he cared enough to show himself at its worst.The care was real. The rest was just a fairytale. Again, I know what a guy feels. And that was given, not by choice. Think of the mistranslation of bob marley's "no woman, no cry". And you know we aren't even allowed to show our tears. *cry laughing*.
To be honest it always feel strange for me just seeing ordinary people posting "I love you's" on facebook on their first month together.I always felt like:" where that love came from"?
The next level is sex bombing.
Shan loved this video. I realized I'm a love bomber. Im 21 years old and so far have not been satisfied with any of my relationships. What exactly can I do to change this? I'm living through a time were im facing my bad habits and trying to move from them.
Whoa you’re so pretty
Damn. This crazy opened my eyes WOW
I went on one date with a guy recently and he’s been super lovebomby and I hate it. It makes me cringe from the depths of my soul. I despise daily “Good morning 😘” texts or “goodnight 😘 texts” I basically hate this emoji 😘 in general. I straight up told the guy that he’s being too much way too soon (calling me sweetie and saying he’s never felt so connected to someone before). I tried to tiptoe around it to not hurt his feelings, but then he said that I should “get used to those kind of messages because he likes me”. That’s where I drew the line and was like no I don’t need to get used to those kind of messages, I need you to slow down and actually get to know each other. Otherwise it comes across as fleeting infatuation that isn’t genuine. I just can’t appreciate loveboming behaviour when he doesn’t even know me. I think I may have hurt his feelings but after having traumatic experiences in the past with lovebombing narcissistic abusers I refuse to accept that kind of behaviour.
People advise to take time. Well I knew my love bomber for over three years and didn't notice red flags. More time? I guess I need to keep seeing someone for 10 years if 3 years is not enough? How much longer to slow things down? Some people could be faking things for decades, by the way. But my relationship was long distance. Maybe a person can easily pretend to be a non-smoker, for example, if they see me once a week,. It's not too hard to avoid smoking one day a week (when they see me) if for the rest of the week they don't see me, where they don't have to pretend and can smoke all they want. ….
HARD YES!
Me: #new subscriber
I can see your as beautiful as you are intelligent.
Your EQ is on point. I think this will resonate with you❤
https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/neurosagacity/201701/the-brain-can-work-against-abuse-victims
You are light and love ❤️
I was love bombed … i love you on the 3rd date, tons of passion. he put my sox on for me for godsake lol.., he was good at it. . I saw the red flags…after 4 months he was moving, his contract was ending, he was from Florida and it was over. I WAS LIKE AHHH WHAT HAPPENED. he was a sick man and married, said he was seperated.. I IGNORED THE SIGNS CUZ IT FELT GOOD but now I spot these men immediately. SEE YA
You've ruined my plans. By the way, you look lovely. 😏
How can I get the audio book for free? It didn't work out for me and leads me to the audible start page. No free audio book. 🙁
It's so nice and helpful to have someone do a video on this without making it about narcissism. We ALL do this stuff, and we all need to face it. This video is very digestible and spot on! Thank you! 👍
Recognizing Narcissism should be taught in schools. I'd said this a thousand times. Know the signs is one of the most useful tools a person can have but so few are educated on it.
This happened to me recently. gaaahhhhhhhh i cannot believe it truly.
Last two chicks I've met have loved bombed me 😬
I just wanna give into those feelings and sensations but it isn't healthy
Hey Shan…call me sometime 🥰😍
The beginning was a great friendship. And One day he said “I’ve decided I don’t have to impress you anymore” and it was a downward spiral from then on. 😂 bleh in the process of getting out.
Simple way not to fall for it is to stay celibate. D9nt have sex with anyone who's not your husband,cause even regular men without a personality disorder will play games with you just to have sex with you.
What if the guy does it without realizing it?
56 days no contact keep going—we got this!!!
i think he’s a love bomber. we met off of bumble right.
we ft and texted for a week. then he invited me to spend the weekend with him on his campus. he payed for everything. he introduced me to ALL HIS FRIENDS. this went on for two weeks.
then all of sudden he shut me out.
i lowkey freaked. i tried to communicate and he said “he’s busy” which he is. he’s a football player and works but this first 2-3 weeks of our connection he managed to at least communicate once per day.
but then all of sudden 24-48 hours going by. avoiding my questions. not really engaging like he did in the beginning. i’m really hurt actually.
The thrill is in the chase
I think my friend had a lucky escape this guy she has been speaking to had been talking about marriage and they hardly know each other. She mentioned how he’s inconsistent with meet ups and the alarm bells rang when she said He had told her he left his job because he wants a more senior position which would benefit their future and marriage. I got scared for her immediately and laid out all the facts and showed her that he’s not consistent and what he’s saying just doesn’t correlate with his true intentions, I told her she deserves better
Luckily my friend distanced herself before he really wasted her time. Think I’ve experienced it where everything is going great in just a matter of weeks then if you don’t give them what they want they grow cold and ghost you. There are some real nutters out there it’s a relief to be single and happy
HE’S SUPPOSE TO LIKE YOU MORE THAN YOU LIKE HIM TURN THEM TABLES don’t fall for it until he proves it to you turn your emotion offfffff
Show it, don't say. If a guy is saying what he will do in the future with you constantly that is a VERY big sign that he is manipulating you to believe in this false romantic future with him. An actual man that sees a future with you is not even going to say it he will just show it. Boys play dress up, Men dress up! Hope I made this simple to understand.
I think this man that just popped up out of nowhere is love bombing me or a Romeo. He bought a ticket to visit me and planning to relocate for me. I told him there’s no rush, but I’m going to see where his head is during his visit. I’m going into this with a clear head and logic. I have never knowingly experienced this and I’m scared as hell.
NOD is real it’s dreadful for the genuine soul.
“What’s the expiry date on these shrimps”
LmaoooooooooooooooO suscribed
I remember my ex narc was proud of his self I am handsome cute and I remember the silent treatment it was painful to me I will never come back to him again
This is golden!